Do You Truly Know Them?
- Jan 1, 2016
- 2 min read
How long does it take to really know a person? Is there even a time frame that can be placed on getting to know a person’s TRUE self? Society has placed normal time frames on getting to know people from; when to have sex, when to get married, and when to begin sharing intimate details about oneself. But, it's no secret that people present different versions of themselves to different people at different times.
We assume that because we’ve spent a large amount of time around a person that we truly KNOW them, but that's not always the case. Think about someone whose been married for 20 years, and suddenly finds out their spouse is a fugitive with a different name and life, and had everyone around them fooled. . .including their spouse. Think about your nice next door neighbor who always invites the neighborhood children over. You've been living next to him for over 10 years and have had conversations and family functions together. Then, you find out he’s a pedophile.
People show you what they want you to see. They have a set of simplified traits that they exhibit to the public, known as the “simplified self." The "simplified self" is simple enough to make them engaging and pique your interests. This is true of friendships, as well as romantic relationships. The modern term for these types of facades that people exhibit is “fake”.
No matter how much a person tries to hide who they really are, the truth always comes out. As time passes, pieces of their “simplified self” begin to chip away until you finally meet the real person. Suddenly, you're left thinking, “I never really knew you”, and you begin doubting yourself for not being able to recognize it.
At some point or another, we start seeing signs that tells us to run, but then we think back to the “simplified self” we were shown in the beginning. Oftentimes, we second-guess ourselves until we're shocked by the massive deception. So, to answer the question from the beginning; no there's no time frame that can be placed on getting to know a person’s true self.
You can say, “I am going to wait until I’ve known him six months to have sex” or “I feel like I know the real her now so I want to marry her”, but time doesn't really mean a thing. It all depends on the person. Some people can keep up the facade longer than others. You just have to pay attention to all the signs and not get caught up in what you want it to be. You may never know someone better than they know themselves, but it's still possible to really know a person, so don't give up, just be careful.
Comments